Drunken Sorrows
by June Strife
Summary: He came home one day, and she had no intention of being there for him anymore. Reviews are appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

_Thump… the sound of glass shattering… a very loud thud…_

"Cloud?"

_A pained grunt and a muttered curse…_

"Cloud? Is that you?"

_A dragging sound and the clatter of a barstool falling on the floor…_

"Cloud, stop moving before you destroy the entire bar! I'm coming down there!"

Tifa found him sprawled on the polished linoleum, clutching the edge of the counter as if it would save his life. His cheeks and nose were slightly red from the winter wind outside and his clothes were crumpled with smudges and stains all over. Tifa knelt next to him; he reeked of stale alcohol.

"Evenin', Teef," he hiccupped, which was a rather strange sound, coming from this particular young man, "Hope y' don' mind me comin' this late."

The way Cloud spoke was so out of place that Tifa almost screamed.

"Cloud, uh… where have you _been_?" She leaned a little closer to him, but backed away the moment his smell filled her nostrils. "And _why_ have you been _drinking_?"

The question seemed to bring him back to his senses. "I… I've, uh… thinking that… I mean… I just… and, umm…" He couldn't seem to find the right words or just didn't want to tell her. _Either way_, Tifa thought, _I'll find out._

She pulled him to his feet and heaved them to the kitchen. If she was right and if alcohol hasn't blown a whole new personality into Cloud, squeezing out a sensible answer was going to take hours, and he wasn't the only one who didn't get much sleep tonight, so it was caffeine or nothing. She let him be until the hot beverage was done. Then, Tifa sat beside him, shoved a mug under his nose and took a sip from her own.

"So then. Where were you, _why_ in the world are you drunk and why is it three o'clock in the morning?"

Cloud looked at her, his mako-colored eyes hazy with exhaustion. "Teef, do we, uh…" he ran a hand through his blonde hair, which made Tifa wonder how he did it without getting cut on the spikes, "Is this really necessary?"

She gave him an incredulous look. "Is this really _necessary_? You come here in the middle of the night, which is not so new, save for the fact that you're _drunk_, you crash half the bar, smelling like you've been bathing in whiskey for the past three hours, and now you ask me if this is _necessary_? Well, what do _you_ think, Cloud?"

Cloud seemed to shrink beneath her stern gaze. He took a deep breath before speaking – obviously he wanted to say quite a lot.

"I'm sorry it's this late, and I didn't mean to wake you. It's just that it's really hard to control your movements when you've had a little too much. I can't help the time, Teef, and as you said, this isn't the first time I've stayed this late. And it's not that I'm proud of it, so don't give me that look." Both his hands encircled the mug as he took a long gulp, focusing his gaze back to Tifa. "As for the _why_, I… I've been thinking about… well, regular stuff: what did the kids do today, what you're making for dinner, whether or not the lousy weather will continue and stuff… and then I remembered how much time has passed since _then_ – you know, it's been five years already – and in the end, I thought of Aerith, and – wait, where are you going?"

Tifa got up the moment he said the first letter of the dead girl's name. _She _remembered how peachy fucking keen the young woman was. Tifa remembered how _perfect_ the Cetra was compared to the lowly twenty-year-old her. She recalled how much it hurt when she died, but also how relieved she was because finally, there would be no beautiful ginger in her lovely pink dress and her perfect green eyes on Cloud's mind. Tifa thought of how wrong she was and of how much it had hurt to find out that he had left the kids, left _her_; all because of the Cetra, the last one, the most unique person in the world, the one who was always kind and smiling, who was loved by everyone, who was never called slutty because her skirt was too short and her shirt to revealing. Tifa was still very hurt by the fact that, even though she was always there for everyone, especially for him, and that she was the first one to be friends with him and that it was _her_ who had found him on the train station that night, he obviously found a much bigger place in that bloody chunk he calls a heart for Aerith than he did for her. Thus, she had no intention of listening to this again.

"I'm not going to hear this, Cloud. I don't care anymore. All you seem able to think about is that girl, so why don't you just go die and be together with her? Then maybe you can tell her how much you've _missed_ her and tell her how much you _love_ her and you'll finally be free of the burden me and the kids represent. Together forever with Aerith, no Tifa in the package. I'm sick, Cloud, I'm really sick of how you get drunk because of a dead person. Fine, she was dear to us, but she's _happy _now, Cloud, and I don't see anyone else getting drunk for her, or you getting drunk for anyone _alive_! So go ahead, drown in your sorrows, I'm not going to try and help anymore." Tifa marched out of the kitchen, climbed the stairs and slammed the door to her room behind herself.

Ten minutes later, and a lot of suppressed tears from Tifa, Cloud knocked on her door softly.

"I'm not going to talk to you, Cloud", she called from the inside.

He opened the door and just stood there, looking at her for a while. Then, he finally spoke.

"I never said I loved her."

He could hear her sob deep into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning, Cloud was gone from the house long before Tifa even got up, and she spent the entire day fretting and fussing – though she would never admit it – over whether he'd come back, or this would be another Geostigma episode. And Tifa also would never admit to anyone, much less herself, that she was tremendously relieved when Cloud appeared in the kitchen doorway, not long after the dinner rush had begun in Seventh Heaven.

He _was_ silent, though, and apparently in a very bad mood. As far as Tifa could see, anyway, with her excruciating practice in reading Cloud's expression. Most people wouldn't think anything was wrong; to them, he would be expressionless. When she said "Welcome home", Cloud watched her for a few seconds, as if expecting her to say something else, before nodding, slightly, and striding through the room and out the door to the bar. He stopped, suddenly, and half-turned to her, his Mako-blue eyes worried and… wary? "Was there any… trouble? While I was gone, I mean?"

"With the bar?" Tifa faced him, leaning on the counter. "Why would there be any trouble?" He nodded again, this time more to himself than her and disappeared up the stairs with a softer expression than before. Tifa sighed, her shoulders slumping. He didn't want to talk to her. She doubted he was angry, at least not with her, because Cloud found it incredibly hard to be angry with anyone other than himself, but he _was_ uncomfortable around her and he was not the type to come to her if he thought he would be bothering her. Which he would be thinking, no doubt, because Cloud was Cloud and some things would never change.

The dinner rush was over after about two more hours and, soon enough, Denzel and Marlene were getting ready for bed and coming down to wish Tifa goodnight. Marlene hugged her one last time and muttered: "Cloud looks sad" into Tifa's shirt, before looking up at her, her nut-brown eyes expectant and more than a bit anxious.

"I'll go check on him right after I finish here, sweetie," Tifa murmured with a small smile she hoped was reassuring. "I'm sure he's just tired." Marlene smiled a bit uncertainly, before nodding to herself, much like Cloud earlier, and running up the stairs, her fluffy slippers muffling any sound her small feet made. Tifa wished there was someone who could reassure _her_. For one, she had no idea how to approach Cloud about this, and for the other, she wasn't sure whether she was supposed to say anything _at all_. If she did, it would prove that she regrets what she said last night, and that was most certainly _not_ true. Sure, Cloud was not that open a person and, sure, he needed support, but being supportive should not include forgetting her own feelings and telling him that, yeah, it's okay to still mope over a person five years dead.

On the other hand, Cloud probably had no clue whatsoever that Tifa harbored anything other than some miniscule amount of _sisterly_ affection for him. Because Cloud spent half his life trying to stop hating _himself_, and the other part to forgive all the things he did or didn't do or should have done, and there was no room for loving himself just yet. And if _he_ couldn't love himself, well, why would anyone else? Telling him that she loved him more than she ever thought possible would just scare him and burden him even more, because he would think that, now that she had confessed, Tifa had _expectations_. Like she could ever expect anything of a person as screwed up as Cloud was. Because he _was_ screwed up, though less and less so as the years went by, as their friends made him laugh and as the kids helped _him_ grow up. And Tifa was proud, really, really proud, but some lines had to be drawn.

If there was anything Tifa knew, it was that procrastination didn't accomplish anything, but she just couldn't bring herself to knock, turn the knob of his office door and confront Cloud. She just stood there for ten minutes, and just when she finally decided that this could be done any day and that she was tired anyway, Cloud solved the problem for her by opening the door wide and stepping out, only to bump into her. He looked at her, purely bemused, before his face darkened and he tried to step around her, but she moved with him, blocking his way. His expression turning nonplussed, Cloud tried to move again, but Tifa followed, not missing a beat. Finally, he opened his mouth. "Tifa? Is something wrong?"

Tifa stared at him, first, incredulous that he could even ask such a question after what happened, and then decided to take things a step further. Gathering all the strength she could find in her right arm, Tifa Lockheart slapped Cloud Strife so hard his head turned halfway around and then spun on her heel, strode into her room and slammed the door behind herself.

Tifa had never done anything quite so exhilarating.


End file.
